Happier Parents, Happier Kids Pt 2: Letting Children Try and Fail

31 min

It's tempting to tie a child's shoe lace, tidy their rooms or help with their science projects - to see that these tasks are done right - but parents are depriving their kids of the valuable experience of falling, failing, and f-ing up. 

Former Stanford dean Julie Lythcott-Haims says these "f words" are vital for children if they are to grow into happy, capable and autonomous adults. While Yale psychologist Julia Leonard warns that interfering too often in a child's life can actually teach them that trying isn't even worth the effort.      

Further reading:

Michaeleen Doucleff - Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy Helpful Humans. 

Julie Lythcott-Haims - How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success.

Marty Seligman - Authentic Happiness

Happier Parents, Happier Kids Pt 1: Your Child Isn't a VIP or a Fragile Vase

29 min

Rosy had a packed schedule of lunches, meet-ups and activities - and she was only three.  Mom Michaeleen Doucleff felt she couldn't waste a second of her daughter's time. Rosy needed to be constantly lectured and stimulated if she was going to reach the Ivy League. 

This style of parenting was exhausting both mother and daughter, until Michaeleen found that not everyone approaches child-rearing in this way. She tells Dr Laurie Santos how she forged a happier and more relaxed relationship with Rosy - that benefited them both.  

Formed Stanford dean Julie Lythcott-Haims explores how "overparenting" has taken hold in recent decades and why it needs to be challenged.   

Further reading:

Michaeleen Doucleff - Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy Helpful Humans. 

 Malcolm Harris - Kids These Days: Human Capital and the Making of Millennials

 Julie Lythcott-Haims - How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success.

Hulking Out! Why You Change When You're Angry

31 min

When mild-mannered David Banner gets mad he transforms into the raging Incredible Hulk. Dr Laurie Santos loves this comic book tale - because it reflects real life. Intense things like anger, pain, even hunger, can cause us to act in extreme ways that we might not predict beforehand or forgive afterwards.

When we're in so-called "hot states" we might become a total stranger to ourselves. This can have a serious impact on our happiness, by stopping us properly planning for how we'll react to strong emotions and causing us to be unfairly harsh on our inner Hulks.  

You Only Live Once... So Commit

31 min

YOLO seems like the perfect rock 'n' roll philosophy. You only live once... so do whatever seems right in the moment. Be spontaneous. Quit your job; find a new person to date; and always, always keep your options open.   

We all fear getting stuck in the wrong occupation, relationship or home - so shun fully committing to anything. But we're misguided. The man who coined the term YOLO - the Grateful Dead drummer Mickey Hart - tells Dr Laurie Santos that throwing yourself fully into a life choice is the best way to live our precious life. 

Further reading:

Pete Davis - Dedicated: The Case for Commitment in an Age of Infinite Browsing.

Dan Gilbert -  Stumbling on Happiness.

Barry Schwartz - The Paradox of Choice.

Further Listening:

Try Mickey Hart's new album with Planet Drum “In the Groove".

The Fun of Eating a Pepper Hotter Than the Sun

29 min

There is nothing hotter than Puckerbutt Farm’s Carolina Reaper Hot Sauce... and author Leigh Cowart gargles it for FUN!!! Why do we sometimes get a happiness high from painful and scary things? And what if we want to experience the fun of discomfort and danger... but without the risk of coming to real harm? 

With the help of Leigh, psychology professor Paul Bloom and the Yale philosopher Tamar Gendler, Dr Laurie Santos finds out how we can fool ourselves into reaping all the benefits of danger without actually being in peril. 

For further reading:

Leigh Cowart - Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose.

Paul Bloom - The Sweet Spot: The Pleasures of Suffering and the Search for Meaning.

From Revisionist History: The Starvation Experiment

31 min  ·  BONUS

We’re sharing a bonus episode from another Pushkin podcast, Revisionist History. Revisionist History is Malcolm Gladwell’s podcast about things misunderstood and overlooked. This season, Malcolm’s obsessed with experiments – natural experiments, scientific experiments, thought experiments. In this episode, Revisionist History examines the testimony of 18 men who took part in an astonishing experiment at the University of Minnesota during the Second World War. Revisionist History takes you through the tapes, and asks why people are still arguing over the Minnesota experiment 75 years later.

You can hear more from Revisionist History at https://podcasts.pushkin.fm/rhs7?sid=thl

Why Living Without Regret is a Bad Idea

30 min

Regret sucks. Thinking back on things we should have done, or should never have done, can make us feel bad. But #noregrets isn't a philosophy for a happy and healthy life.   

Regrets can be a great guide and can help us live a life that's true to our authentic selves. Illustrator Liz Fosslien learned to listen to her regrets after letting down her mom during a family crisis. While writer Daniel Pink compiled a global database of regrets to help unpick what common regrets tell us about our real values. 

For Further Reading:

Daniel Pink - The Power of Regret. How Looking Back Moves Us Forward 

The Handbook for Sonic Happiness - A Twenty Thousand Hertz/Happiness Lab Mash-up

42 min

Some sounds bring happy memories flooding back. Other sounds put us on edge; drive us to distraction; or cause us considerable distress. Sound matters... so why don't we pay more attention to our sonic environment?  

In a mash-up with our friends at the podcast Twenty Thousand Hertz, Dr. Laurie Santos joins Dallas Taylor to create a Handbook for Sonic Happiness explaining how sound can harm our wellbeing or be a route to greater happiness.

Featuring auditory psychologist David Poeppel, psychology researcher Giulia Poerio, clinical psychologist Ali Mattu, sound scholar Mac Hagood and acoustician Trevor Cox.

Move to Your Happy Place

31 min

People who live in some places are happier than others. But if you move to a happy country, happy city or happy district, will it make you feel better? And what can do if you can't uproot from your current home, can you make sad spaces happier?  

Dan Buettner introduces us to his "Blue Zones", and explains why these places score so highly in wellbeing surveys. Helen Russell tells her story of moving to one of the happiest nations on earth...in bleak midwinter. And Texan Jason Roberts admits he had to break the city laws to make his neighborhood in Dallas a bit nicer. 

For further reading: 

Helen Russell - The Year of Living Danishly: Uncovering the Secrets of the World's Happiest Country.

Dan Buettner - The Blue Zones of Happiness: Lessons From the World's Happiest People.

Nerd Out! The Happiness of Being a Fan

32 min

Really love a TV show; a boyband; a sci fi movie; or a celebrity? We're often too embarrassed to admit adoring some things for fear that we'll be seen as frivolous or childish - but we may be missing out on the happiness benefits that geeking out can bring.   

Dr Laurie Santos explores the joy of fandom with Benedict Cumberbatch obsessive Tabitha Carvan, YA author Jennifer Lynn Barnes and Star Trek actor (and geek-vangelist) Wil Wheaton. 

For Further Reading:

Tabitha Carvan - This Is Not A Book About Benedict Cumberbatch 

Wil Wheaton - Still Just a Geek

The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult

32 min

Loneliness is a far more common and far more serious problem than we think. It affects one in five Americans, and takes a toll on our bodies and minds. To thrive we need to several types of social interactions - both casual and more intimate.  

With the help of US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy; Harvard Divinity School fellow Casper ter Kuile; and friendship expert Marisa Franco; Dr Laurie Santos looks at how loneliness might be affecting you or someone you know, and what science-back steps you can take to increase your circle of friends. 

For further reading: 

Vivek Murthy - Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World.

Marisa Franco - Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends as an Adult.

The Joy of Star Trek, The Grateful Dead and Hot Sauce: The Happiness Lab Returns September 6

3 min  ·  TRAILER

Happiness can be found in unusual places. Dr Laurie Santos returns with a new season that takes us to the fun frontiers of fandom with Star Trek's Wesley Crusher; to the world's happiest country in the depths of winter; and inside the ranch that inspired The Grateful Dead's Mickey Hart to exclaim "YOLO!".  

And you'll hear what it's like to chug the hottest hot sauce on the planet to get a rush of pleasure. 

The Happiness Lab Returns September 6 - wherever you get your podcasts. 

Q: "What Did the Pandemic Teach Us About Happiness?"

36 min

Covid brought disruption and despair... but it also caused many of us to think about our lives and what is most important to us. Listener Dr Amy Comander, Director of Lifestyle Medicine at the Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center, wants to know how we can apply lessons from the pandemic to improve our happiness as we return to normalcy.  

Amy helps teach cancer survivors wellbeing tips - and also happens to be an old college lab partner of Dr Laurie Santos - so we invited her to host this episode and quiz Laurie on how to lead a happier post-pandemic life. 

Q: "How Do I Stop Negative Self-talk?"

31 min

It can speak to us in the middle of a work project, the middle of a date, or the middle of the night. The critical voice in our head telling us we're just not good enough and we're headed for failure. Listener Patricia Branigan wrote in to ask what we can do the quiet down this chatter.  

To explain what damage negative self-talk does to us and explore some simple strategies to challenge our inner critic, Dr Laurie Santos is joined by "chatter" expert Ethan Kross (professor of psychology and management at the University of Michigan).

You can read more in Ethan's book 'Chatter: The Voice in our Head (And How to Harness it)'.

Q: "Can You Be Happy Alone?"

39 min

Since Covid hit, many of us have seen fewer people and experienced more loneliness. Listener Ivana Cole wants to know what we can do to reconnect and asks, if we can't reconnect: "Can we be happy alone?" 

Dr Laurie Santos looks at social connections and how make them with Stanford's Jamil Zaki (author of the War for Kindness). 

Q: "Are We Born to Work? Or Born to Live?"

32 min

Listener Niki Walker has a question... in our busy, career-driven, money-oriented live, are we forgetting to make time for more important things? 

In our first episode fielding questions from fans of The Happiness Lab, Dr Laurie Santos looks at the world of work and how we can prioritize purpose, fun and human interaction to make our daily lives better.   

Laurie is joined by Professor Cassie Holmes (author of "Happier Hour: How to Beat Distraction, Expand Your Time and Focus on What Matters Most). 

Malala on Burnout, Guilt and How to Disagree Better

30 min

Nobel Peace Prize winners feel burnout too. Malala Yousafzai - who survived an assassination attempted by the Taliban - works tirelessly so that more women and girls can access education. But she often feels guilty at taking time off, but knows she must to avoid burnout. 

She shares her tips with Dr Laurie Santos on how to achieve work/life balance; how to deal with disappointment; and how to build bridges with people we disagree with. 

(Recorded live at Yale's Silliman College.)  

Laurie Answers Your Happiness Questions - Coming July 11

2 min  ·  TRAILER

What would you ask a wellbeing expert? Dr Laurie Santos is back with a special season of The Happiness Lab fielding listener questions about work, relationships and getting back out into the world after Covid. She'll be joined by fellow scientists and listeners explaining the stories behind their queries. 

 Begins July 11. 

Burnout and How to Avoid It

33 min

If you dread getting out of bed in the morning; if you are bad tempered with co-workers, clients or customers; if you leave work feeling an exhaustion that goes way beyond tiredness... it could be that you're burned out. 

Jonathan Malesic felt all these things as a successful academic, and reflected wistfully on his previous job working as a parking lot attendant. Could it be that taking a high status, high paying job was making him miserable and pushing him beyond the limits of his endurance? Jonathan shares what he learned about burnout while researching his bookThe End Of Burnout: Why Work Drains Us, And How To Build Better Lives. 

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com

Fighting that "Meh" Feeling of Languishing

41 min

Psychologist and writer Adam Grant used every second of his day to the fullest... until he was struck by feelings of emptiness and stagnation. His sleep patterns changed, his productivity dipped, he found himself breaking his own rules by aimlessly watching Netflix. Adam decided this listless middle ground between depression and flourishing was "languishing" and he needed to escape it fast.

The author of the #1 NYT bestselling book Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don't Know (www.adamgrant.net/thinkagain), and host of TED's Work Life podcast (https://tedtalks.social/WLAdam) says we ignore this "meh" feeling at our peril and explains how he fought back against languishing...with a game of Mario Kart.

Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com