Holiday Survival Guide I: Ending Family Arguments (with Rainn Wilson)
New episode of The Happiness Lab: “Holiday Survival Guide I: Ending Family Arguments (with Rainn Wilson)”
We expect the holidays to make us happy. But for many of us, the holidays bring just as much stress as holiday cheer. Why do celebrations meant to lift us up sometimes leave us feeling overwhelmed—and what can we do to change that?
For the next two weeks on The Happiness Lab, I’ll get some help exploring these questions from someone who knows how to find meaning (and humor) in the chaos: actor, author, and podcaster Rainn Wilson.
Together, Rainn and I will unpack our listeners’ biggest holiday woes — from perfectionism and family conflict to grief, loneliness, and the pressure to make everything “merry and bright.”
If you're really that busy that you can't be merry, you're doing Christmas wrong. — Rainn Wilson
Rethinking Holiday Happiness with Rainn Wilson
Stop chasing the “perfect” holiday.
We tell ourselves that if we just find the right gifts or cook the perfect meal then we’ll finally feel happy. But the science suggests a different story. When we loosen our grip on getting everything “just right” and focus on being present, we make room for what actually matters — laughter, connection, and the kind of joy that can’t be wrapped or planned.
Connection beats comparison.
Social media scrolls can amplify FOMO (the fear of missing out), but studies show real connection — even a short phone call — can boost our mood far more than scrolling through an endless feed of curated holiday posts.
Let all emotions be part of the season.
It’s natural to feel sadness, grief, and loneliness… especially during the holidays. When we allow space for all our emotions through radical acceptance — recognizing what we’re feeling with compassion — we’re better able to regulate our emotions and actually recover faster than when we try to avoid our difficult feelings.
Give the gift of service.
Helping others is one of the most powerful ways to boost happiness. Whether it’s checking in on a friend or volunteering at a local food bank, small acts of kindness create ripple effects of connection.
A Free Downloadable Holiday Survival Guide: Science-Backed Conversation Tips
This holiday season, download conversation tips inspired by research from Nick Epley, a psychologist at UChicago, to help you move past surface-level chatter and ask the kinds of questions that spark meaningful connection with friends and family.
Why not give them a try and boost your social connection this holiday season?
Join Us for Pods Fight Poverty
This holiday season, I’m joining forces with some of my favorite podcast hosts like Dan Harris, Jay Shetty, and Alie Ward for Pods Fight Poverty — a Giving Tuesday campaign built in partnership with GiveDirectly and Giving Multiplier.
Our goal this year is simple and ambitious: raise a million dollars to help three Rwandan villages lift themselves out of extreme poverty through unconditional, evidence-backed cash transfers.
Take Action This Week: Take a page from Rainn’s book and try my new favorite holiday game: “phone on a shelf.” When you create a little friction between you and your phone, you’ll find it easier to connect with your friends and family without digital distractions.
Remember, the holidays don’t need to be perfect. When we make space for the messy, meaningful moments, that’s where we can experience a little bit of happiness.
Happy holidays!
Looking for more?
You can find all our companion guides from this season of The Happiness Lab on DrLaurieSantos.com/Newsletter.
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