Why Having the Courage to Defy Makes us Happier (with Dr Sunita Sah)
New Episode of The Happiness Lab: Why Having the Courage to Defy Makes us Happier (with Dr Sunita Sah)
This week, I’m kicking off a back-to-school series on The Happiness Lab highlighting some of my favorite 2025 books.
First up: Dr. Sunita Sah, author of Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes, a research-backed guide to the kind of defiance that protects our values and our well-being.
Sunita argues that we’ve misunderstood defiance—and that learning this skill can be a positive force for personal and societal change. Learning how to be a bit more defiant and put our values into action can actually have a big effect on our happiness.
We've simply misunderstood what it means to defy. — Sunita Sah
How Saying No Can Make Us Happier
1. It protects our time.
Every “no” to what drains us creates space for the things that actually energize us—like connection with people we love and the hobbies that put us in a flow state.
2. It keeps us aligned with our values.
Too much compliance leaves us with that nagging feeling of “I’m not living how I want to live.” Saying no closes the gap between our values and action and helps bring our choices back in line with what we care about most.
3. It reduces stress.
Clarifying and acting on our values lowers our biological stress response. Practicing defiance when it matters can help prevent burnout and keeps us happier in the long run.
Take action today: Say “no” to one small thing that protects your values or your time. Maybe say no to a zoom meeting that could be an email, or maybe take a break from social media to protect your time and attention.
Don’t forget to get your copy of Dr. Sunita Sah’s book, Defy: The Power of No in a World That Demands Yes.
Looking for more?
You can find all our companion guides from this season of The Happiness Lab on DrLaurieSantos.com/Newsletter.
Did you get this newsletter from a friend? Sign up here to receive weekly happiness tips directly in your inbox!