Is a "Viking" Childhood a Happier Childhood (with Helen Russell)?
Hello everyone,
Picture this: A two-year-old confidently whittling wood with a real knife. A baby napping outdoors in sub-freezing temperatures. Five-year-olds setting their own alarm clocks. Sounds terrifying? Maybe for those of us in the US, but not in Denmark!
This week, I spoke with Helen Russell, author of "The Danish Secret to Happy Kids," who found herself accidentally raising little “Vikings” and discovered that what might look reckless to American eyes is actually the secret to raising happier, more resilient children.
Nordic countries have been doing something right when it comes to raising children who grow up to be happy adults, but their approach often looks radically different from what we're used to in America and the UK. So what can we learn from the Danish way of parenting?
Listen to my conversation with Helen Russell in our episode “Is a "Viking" Childhood a Happier Childhood (with Helen Russell)?” Here’s your companion guide to the episode:
5 Parenting Lessons from the Danes
1: Embrace "Tillid" (Trust + Faith). The Danish concept of "tillid" combines trust and faith—trusting that things will be okay and having faith in your community. This is why Danish parents famously leave their babies napping outside in strollers (even in cold weather!) and give children real tools like knives for food preparation. This trust extends to how they view their children's capabilities, allowing kids to develop independence from a young age.
2: Let Children Experience Risk. Danish parents believe they've failed as caregivers if they don't allow their children opportunities for appropriate risky play. Rather than trying to prevent every scraped knee, parents in Denmark focus on what children can learn through taking risks—whether that's climbing trees or solving conflicts without adult intervention. As one play researcher told Helen, children who never climb trees are more likely to develop a fear of heights than those who climb and occasionally fall.
3: Focus on Process, Not Product. In Denmark, there's less focus on achievement and more on being a good person. Parents are less concerned with grades and more interested in whether their children are happy and thriving. This mindset helps reduce the pressure many parents feel to constantly praise their children or push them toward external markers of success. Instead, Danish parents encourage children to develop their own internal compass.
4: Prioritize Play Over Academics. Nordic countries have such respect for play that they have two different words for it: "lege" for unstructured, intrinsically motivated play and "spille" for structured play like sports or games. Children in Denmark don't start school until age six, and in Finland not until seven—spending their early years primarily in play-based learning.
5: Make Children Part of the Team. Rather than parents serving as "high-end concierges" for their children, Danish families operate more like teams where everyone contributes. Children as young as five are expected to wake themselves up with their own alarm clocks, help with meal preparation, and manage their own belongings. When parents need time to themselves, they simply say so without guilt: "I'm done parenting for tonight" or "I need to talk to my friend now."
What I find most fascinating about the Danish approach to family life is that it actually seems to make parenting easier in many ways. By giving children more autonomy and focusing less on perfection, parents experience less guilt and overwhelm. Helen notes that the Nordic approach to parenting lets drop your shoulders, exhale (finally!), and get your life back while raising children who are becoming more capable and confident.
Take action: Choose just one small way to give your child more autonomy this week. Maybe it's letting them pour their own cereal (even if it spills), allowing them to climb higher at the playground, or simply being honest about needing some time to yourself. It's not going to be perfect, but that's okay—pyt! (That's the Danish word for "oh well, it happens.")
Want to learn more science-backed strategies for happier parenting? Enroll in my free course, The Science of Well-Being for Parents on Coursera, where we explore the "cognitive triad" of happier parenting: thinking differently, feeling differently, and acting differently. You can sign up at drlauriesantos.com/parents.
Looking for more?
You can find all our companion guides from this season of The Happiness Lab on drlauriesantos.com/newsletter.
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